You are not alone

You know, nobody ever, ever does it alone.

This weekend, I was fortunate to participate in an activity where I was once again reminded of the power of community.

It’s challenging for men to be individuals, to value our independence and capability, and at the same time acknowledge that we need others in our lives to accomplish the big things.

We love the story of the lone hero. The man who faces the challenge, enters the cave, confronts the dragon, and somehow finds the strength within himself to prevail.

But if you look more closely at the old stories, the hero is rarely truly alone.

Achilles would never have gotten to Troy without the armies that went with him. Heroes have companions, teachers, communities, people waiting for their return, and people who remind them what they are fighting for.

The hero may have to face his dragon himself.

But he doesn’t have to make the journey alone.

That distinction matters.

Struggle is not a bad word.

Struggle is what happens when you enter the cave and meet the dragon.

Struggle is what happens when you stand up, take a deep breath, and, no matter how tired you are, keep going.

And struggle is what happens when you walk back into a difficult conversation with someone you love, take a hard look at yourself, and choose to stay present rather than defend, attack, withdraw, or run away.

Those moments require strength.

But strength doesn’t require isolation.

In fact, one of the stories many men have inherited is that being strong means being able to handle everything ourselves. We learn to equate needing other people with weakness. We become reluctant to ask for help, reluctant to reveal uncertainty, and sometimes reluctant even to acknowledge that we’re struggling.

And then we wonder why we feel alone.

For 40 years, Breakthrough has offered men another possibility.

We believe men are powerful and capable. We also believe men need other men.

We need people who will challenge us when we’re avoiding something. People who will listen when we need to speak. People who can remind us who we are when we’ve temporarily forgotten. And sometimes we simply need another man to witness what we’re going through without trying to fix it for us.

That is community.

Community doesn’t fight the dragon for you.

It reminds you that you can face it.

It gives you a place to practice. A place to stumble. A place to tell the truth. A place to discover that the things you thought separated you from everyone else may actually be the things that connect you.

And eventually, like the heroes in the old stories, we return from our struggles carrying something we didn’t have before.

More wisdom.

More compassion.

More courage.

More capacity to be present for the people we love.

And then we get to offer those gifts back to our families, our friendships, our workplaces, and our communities.

Every man has struggles.

Community is where we find strength.

You can live a life alone.

Or you can live a life in community.